Tag Archive | sadness

Reign, rein, rain

Reign  : to rule over
Rein    : a restraining influence, power to direct or determine
Rain    : condensed moisture of the atmosphere falling visibly in separate drops. A large or overwhelming quantity of things that fall or descend.

I HATE rain. Listen, I know it is good for the earth, the soil, flowers… blah, blAH, BLAH! It washes away the bird poop on my Jeep, the earth worms are swimming in it, and my socks are wet.  Thank the higher being for RAIN! Well, if you don’t mind;  Hell, even if you do mind, I will sit this round out. The sky cries and I want to cry right along with it. How is it that I have gotten to this golden age of I should know better and yet I find myself struggling today to make the good choices. I wanted to sleep today for the entire day but… life has needs.

I feel like I am in a Snickers Bar® commercial. Crabby and out of sorts. Unhappy and argumentative.

So… I ate but I wasn’t hungry for food. I am hungry for satisfaction. When will I be satisfied will what I have, with who I am? with the man I married? WHEN? There will never be a singing career, there will be no fantastic voyages, there will never be any children. Once upon a time I had big dreams of being more than the small insignificant life I lead. All gone like dust in the wind… I wonder if anyone else ever feels this sad when it is raining. Or is it just me?

To go outside I need to wrap myself in plastic wrap to avoid the unavoidable soggy that will invade every available warm dry spot. My hair will curl and frizz, my mood sinks lower and lower. I know in the place where I keep my truths I am in that lovely phase right before my cycle. I become a roller coaster of emotion. Medical professionals call them mood swings. Trust me when I warn you there are days I have to be careful not to swing at your head with a metal folding chair. I know in three to five days this level of sadness will dissipate and I will once again be Fragging Happy Poppins, Mary Poppins’ crazed half sibling, but until then I can’t stand myself or the rain or people.

Rant Over

What should I learn from this? Weather does not really reign over how I am feeling about myself or life. It is just a convenient excuse for me. I alone have the power to rein in how I handle my emotions and last but still overwhelming; my hatred for rain has not diminished one skosh since childhood. I was having several bad moments so I decided to make them into a frosted cupcake, lesson learned, mischief managed. MOVE ON!

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To Be

Empathy?

When I sit down at my laptop to write it is often to compose myself, to take a breath in before I dissolve into tears. I know I am not the only person in the world in pain. I just choose to share mine. I guess that makes me a little different but I have been odd duck out my whole life so it comes easier for me to bear my soul to strangers. I never try to pretend to have the answers for feelings. I hate to know that people I care about in and around my life are feeling distress or sadness. We are all on our own journeys even though we travel the same path. We all experience loss. I can not keep anyone from knowing it. I wish I could keep you from sadness but your pain is not mine to shoulder. I can only hold your hand, wipe our tears and hope that tomorrow will shine brighter for us all. I don’t think I have ever said thank you to those of you that take the time to read my posts. I am grateful and your feedback has been amazing.

I am just one voice in the night trying to hold on until morning. EVERDAY