…Is someone else’s fat. Not a play on words but the gospel truth. I pretty much took this week off from the weighing, measuring, and giving two Flower pots about mindful eating. I was feeling sorry for myself on Tuesday, no real reason just a foul mood so I have been eating like I just got in a box of fresh rations. Suddenly the light bulb of recognition went off in my head that even though I have lost weight, I am still considered overweight, obese even(from a medical stand point). It frustrates me, so I fought back by not taking care of myself this week! I’ll show me! Okay for a while but pity parties are real downers so tonight after one last huzzah I jumped back into the boxcar for the slow ride to The Land of Normal Sizes. There is more work to be done. I have started to think of myself in a new light. I am not fat. I am thinner. Well? I am thinner, than I used to be.
I am in a different space in my head now than I was in the past. I am fully aware of the fact that I alone empower my success or failure. I refuse to give up. I will keep trying. My thin is not your thin and that is ok. I refuse to allow myself to value who I am based on my weight or how I look. I went back to WWs because I wanted to feel healthy again. I wanted to be able to do more than what I have been able to do for myself in a long time. My headaches are gone. My joints don’t ache as much anymore. My skin is clearer. My moods lighter. I guess my WHYs for losing weight are changing. I need to find new things to focus on so I have something to build into. I am worth all of my efforts good and bad. I know sometimes I am going to give into my bad self and consume mass quantities of junk but I have learned to STOP, REST, and ACCESS, even if it does take me a few days = ).
Commercial break is over. It is time to return to the show….
I almost didn’t make it… I almost called you…I almost made the biggest mistake of my life…I almost…
Once a few short years ago I ALMOST made it to goal but I gave up. I was tired of just being out of reach of that magic number. I was scared of being “normal.” I was losing belief in myself to survive maintenance. I felt very conflicted about the “new” me.
What makes this time around different? Simple answer : ME
I am handling myself much better now than I did before. I believe in what I am accomplishing for myself. I am trying to stay positive. I forgive myself when I falter. I am trying not to drive my framily crazy with constant chatter over my lifestyle changes. I am having fun. I am jumping at the chance to partake in the world around me like I have never done before. I am having the time of my life. I think they call it “FUN”!?!
Adulting is hard. It is the tough job. The vacation schedule sucks and often there are not enough carefree days. I have accepted that what I am doing is the best course for me to achieve a healthier lifestyle. I have accepted that I CAN NOT trust myself around certain foods or food situations. I have accepted that there is no FINISH LINE or complete date. I am a work in progress and will remain so the remainder of my days. But don’t we all have things we are working on?
Last week I was kind of pitching a party tent for myself. I knew I was heading for a plateau so I dusted, got myself ready to set up camp to stay awhile, but a funny thing happened on my way out of my meeting. I felt like it was time to go after it,to keep moving forward so I did. I put more moves on my Jawbone this week than I have in a long time. I went on two adventures. I had a great week. I may make stops along my way but there is no stopping me.
Never give up on the person you are meant to be = ) Journey on!