Tag Archive | inspiration

The Ripple

If you are very fortunate in life there are people who “get” you. My personal list happens to be on the short side. My life’s path has been blessed by many people, and yes, some of you have been really lovely but let’s be honest most of you don’t  “get” me. The pool of people in my life (people that I hold near and dear to my heart and soul) is rather small. I have never been quite sure if  I can attribute that to my unwillingness to meet new people or to the fact that most people are too judgmental and hurtful. Recently this pool of mine has lost some members. There was no lapse in coverage or a failure to renew. Their life cycles just stopped spinning.

Now, even though it is not true, I feel like I am spinning all alone. My cousin Mike was a kind, unique human being; and just like a flash of lightning he is gone.  Once again I find myself in the place of regrets, with thoughts unspoken and deeds undone. How did our lives end up on opposite shores? How do I tell you how much you have always meant to me? I can’t.  I can only hold onto my belief that somehow you know how golden we once were, before life and dreams of adulthood separated our paths. You will always live in my heart where I hold onto all the wonderful things from my life. You always made me laugh. You always listened when I was certain no one heard.  You were more than a ripple in the wave of my life. I owe you more than I can ever pay forward. You were one of the reasons I learned to fly. I hope you know that you are loved. I will forever miss you. Rock the Heavens. Lord knows they could use better music.

A ripple seems like a small thing until you realize how big its impact is. Be the ripple in the waves of someone’s life. wave

 

The Pause That Refreshes

like a tall glass of ice cold lavender lemonade on a scorching hot day. I think about my Saturday WWs meeting this way; a pause in an otherwise busy life. Once a week I weigh in, find my motivation and strength to face another challenge. Let’s face it life is hectic. Mine is filled with work, hobbies, hubby and various and sundry things I neither enjoy or want to participate in; but, adulting is about doing what’s right. Well, it is if you are trying to be a good adult = )

I have learned that my adventure in adulting is a whole lot easier when I am willing, when I am patient(toughest thing), when I ask questions and when I am honest with myself when I need help. I took a leap of faith in myself last February and walked back into a WWs meeting. I have been trying to go faithfully every week and I am proud to say I have missed only 3 or 4 meetings in over a year! There is more to my success though than meets the eye. I feel like it is time for me to sing the praises of the people I have met at my meeting. Here’s to the women who make my meeting fun, informative, inspirational, motivating, and well worth my time. I have come to know that I can lean on you for moral support when I am feeling low. You never tire of the questions I ask. And let’s face it you offer great advice.

This program would be nothing without your help. Amazing to me that each of you was once on my side of the scale. You overcame the obstacle of SELF. I draw inspiration from you whenever I feel myself sliding. I find myself asking, “What would Kathy do?” or  “I want to write a blog post for Danielle!” I worry if Auntie Phyllis is not at my meeting. She may be the sweetest person I have ever met. Is she Okay? I like that Dixie laughs at my weirdness and sometimes gently reminds me to behave when my mischief needs to be managed.  Everyone’s life story has its own path but for one hour a week in the early part of my Saturday you join me in my quest to a better self. I owe you a level of gratitude I can never repay. I look forward to our time together. You make me feel like I can accomplish whatever I work for.

Thank you for being the wonderful people that you are.

 

That Moment of Honesty

That moment:  an event or a feeling that changes your life path. I have had a few  moments in my time.  That moment when I realized that I meant something wonderful to someone. That moment when you finally understand that you are OK just as you are. That moment when you decide that you are worthy of more than you have allowed yourself to believe. Moments make up your lifetime. We all have bad, uncomfortable moments but it is up to you what you do with them. Don’t let small mistakes become BIG problems. My moments have taught me many things. I am stronger than I thought. I am brave. I am capable. My moments have been valuable beyond measure.

Before I met him I thought I would always be alone. Before I married him I never knew how wonderful love was. Before I understood, I thought I was broken. Before I knew who I was I yearned for something more; now I am enough. Be in YOUR MOMENTS.

I have been on my current weight loss journey for a little over a year. I have been struggling lately but mostly in my head. I am scared that I don’t have what it takes to commit to always trying to make the best choices. I have been actively lying to myself during the month of February about how I can “do this on my own. I can quit WWs!” Really? Trish! How many times do you think you can strike your head on the cement without sustaining an injury? I have heard over and over from my WW leader that no one in their right mind after tripping over one stair picks themselves up and throws themselves down the rest of the staircase but I was willing to try and ALMOST did it!

I will not dwell on the recent misconduct during my private soirée (classy expression for pity party). I was behaving like a tired toddler in serious need of a nap. Tantrum is now over. It is okay to be afraid. Understanding where the fear comes from and working through those fears is new ground for me. There will be more mistakes I am sure but the one mistake I will not make is to stop what I am doing. I am just now starting to enjoy the healthier me. The girl with more energy and passion and willingness to be in the day.

Phase Two of my journey begins. This is the phase I have never ventured too far into before. I need to find an exercise program that I will like, that will grow with my needs. I need to be more aware of the good things that I do for myself. I need to make sure that I get enough water and oil into my daily routine. Code Dingo has been a tough experience for me lately. There is nothing worse than needing to GO, wanting to GO but the guests won’t leave. Whose fault is that? Mine, of course, because I haven’t been paying attention to what my body has been trying to tell me because I have been letting my demons “talk” too loudly in my quiet space. I have been distracted, even a little sad.

I was touched by the concern of a fellow WW. She gently reminded me that she cares about how I am doing. Sometimes you don’t know what you mean to someone else. Ask the questions! Show the concern. Trust me it is worth everything. A simple question can be the spark that lights the candle which shines down the path to a better way. Thank you for that spark   ; )

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To BE   !!!

candle

 

New Weigh

I have always held the belief that OVER eating is more than just not knowing when you have had enough of a good thing. For me indulging in the dark arts ( cookies, cakes ) has always been about my fear and anger of handling/not handling my own pain or discomfort. Growing up feeling inadequate with no one to tell me life is a learning curve, that we grow as we grow was tough. When I needed to be comforted and no one was there, food always was. If I was busy stuffing food into my mouth I couldn’t cry about feeling unloved. Food was always on stand by for times when I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough or enough of whatever magical ingredient seemed to have not been shipped with my arrival into the world.

Food can not make you happy for long. Just like its calories, it is an empty friend. The only thing it ever truly gives me is heartache. Food can not hold my hand or help me to see that I am strong enough to work my way through the hard times. Food does not build character it tears down whatever small foundation I may have managed to put together. Food has proven to me that I have real weaknesses. It has taught me I can easily be swayed by an over processed smartly wrapped package of nutrient void glob whenever I am trying to avoid myself. Problems do not go away simply because I prefer them to.

I made the choice to get better. I am the only one who can guarantee my success by never giving up on trying to become the best version of myself. I decided to make peace with myself. The road is not always easy to travel but, what an amazing journey I am on.

Never Give UP On The Person You Are Meant To BE

 

and Cue the Music…

Owning something for me means being honest with how I am feeling or coping with a situation in my life at any given time. Last week I went to my usual Saturday morning meeting. I wasn’t feeling my best and for the first time since going back to WWs in February I didn’t want to get out of bed and go face the scale (insert dread filled music).

I know myself pretty well, when the nasty, insult laden negativity starts to creep into my thought plane I need to be extra careful. I talked myself into the shower. I talked myself into making the drive across the city. I talked myself into walking into the door. I am that hesitant, negative tourist who ends up having a grand time once I convince myself everything will be fine. Everything was fine.

Have you ever felt wonderful and terrible at the same time? Instant unease in the pit of my stomach. I am happy that I am doing well but I am scared I will falter and give up. I am happy that I am losing weight but I harbor disappointment for having allowed myself to become so unhealthy in the first place. Wait, What?

The toughest part of this journey for me is to be honest with myself even when it hurts. In the end if I manage to work through the mental demons blocking my path I come out of the other end of the tunnel in a better place than when I entered the underpass, usually. This week I have been in a dark space. I have been running away from how I am feeling since my Pops passed away. I have experienced profound loss before when my kid sister died in a car crash. I survived but I am not the same. I struggled for years about not being enough, that  I let her down, disappointed her and if I had just been???!!!??? I could have prevented the tragedy in the first place. All lies, all self-doubt, all fear driven.

I am feeling overwhelmed and uncertain. I feel like an after shock. An earthquake came and destroyed my little corner of the world. Every once in a while I feel a wave of negative energy wash over me. I don’t know what to do next. I am afraid and I am struggling because I feel like I have been left behind. I will work my way through this. The anxiety I am feeling will pass. I will be Okay. I am not alone, family is bigger than what you are born into. I am just having a moment.

That moment:  an event or a feeling that can change your life path. I have had a few  moments in my time.  That moment when I realized that I meant something wonderful to someone. That moment when the phone rang and she was gone from my life forever. That moment when I finally understood that I am Okay just as I am. That moment when I decided that I am worthy of more than I have allowed myself to believe. Moments make up a lifetime. We all have bad, uncomfortable moments but it is up to you what you do with that. Don’t let small mistakes become BIG problems. My moments have taught me many things. I am stronger than I thought. I am brave. I am capable. My moments have been valuable beyond measure.

Before I met him I thought I would always be alone. Before she died I thought I couldn’t live without her. Before I married him I never knew how wonderful love was. Before I understood, I thought I was broken. Before I knew who I was, I yearned for something more; now I am enough. OWN YOUR MOMENTS. Learn from them, lean on them in times of uncertainty, embrace them. Be in YOUR MOMENTS.

Never Give Up on the Person You Are Meant to Be

 

Pardon the Interruption…

…We now return you to our regularly schedule programming. You never know what you are made of until you are forced to see ;  )

My Friday evenings are usually spent thinking of something inspirational and thought provoking for my group of fellow WWs. I try to blog before our weekly gathering on Saturday morning. This week was tough for me. Life dealt me a tough hand that ruined my week that threw me into a spin. My beloved Pops passed away in his sleep Wednesday night.

I knew someday it would have to happen, like most people I assumed we’d have another day. My bad. Let me say I have no regrets. I never let anything go undone when it came to my Dad. He gave me so much yet I feel like I gave him so little in return. I owed him a great deal. He taught me about perseverance, strength, love, beauty. He was not a perfect man but he was a great one. I have cried a lot in the past few days; but, I have also smiled and laughed and have been touched so profoundly by other people’s love for both me and my Dad.

I am truly blessed. My heart has grown three sizes. I thought I might not be able to keep on track and manage my foods.  I haven’t felt the need to feed my sadness. He is at peace. So I feel at peace. Whatever time we had together, whatever there was left to do that’s not yet done is okay, it’s all good. We had a great run, didn’t we DAD? I will stay the course and I will make it to my goal whatever it is because I have what I need to get there. He believed in me. He loved me. He had faith that everything always turns out just the way it is supposed to. I don’t intend to let him down. I am his daughter.

Never Give UP on the Person You Are Meant to Be

Faith is believing. I believe that someone will always be there in my corner guiding my way. These are my angels: Dad, Mom and my kid sister. Until we meet again all of my love, ❤ Trish

Mrs. C

Sometimes on this journey we cry. I hate to feel like I am going to cry. Crying makes me feel vulnerable and weak and needy but sometimes on this journey we cry. On my last trip around WWs I had a coworker who went above and beyond what a casual friend does for somebody.The times we had, the fights, the tears, the laughter; ordinary at the time, precious to recall now.  It’s strange how coworkers can become like family to you. How friendship can make an unbearable job an easier ride through Hell.

I was afraid to join the local Y. I was down my first 75 pounds. I was eager to try out water aerobics but timid about actually joining a “group” activity. Mrs. C not only talked me down from my ledge of fear; she happily told me she would go with me as many nights of the week as she felt up to. I am around the same age as her children and if truth be told I felt like she was adopting me. I loved her for that. She always treated me like I belonged to her. I got scolded when I was rude, encouragement when I faltered and a shoulder to cry on when I just had to let out the emotions that come flying by when you are doing a great job as an active WW. ( yes, that is sarcasm) Through it all she believed in me.

Mrs.C passed away in July.  I am sad. I want giant gumdrops (one of her favorites), I want, I want…I want not to be sad but it is a part of life. I already miss her more than I will ever be able to convey here.  She was a great friend to me. I will carry all that she taught me until the end of my days. 

I wish I could ease the pain of your goodbye for the ones you loved. I can’t; the only way to the other side of grief is to go through it. You are loved. You are missed. I wish you peace.  Until we meet again, my friend.