Tag Archive | HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I Want One More Look At You

I never thought the other shoe was going to drop but it did. One minute we were laughing, talking about the small things in and around our lives and the next the phone rang…it was nearly midnight and you were gone like a whisper on the wind.

Are you watching me now? Once upon a time there was a family of five: a husband, a wife and three little girls. There was no picket fence, or tidy, neat lives arranged in a row; but, they were my family and though I didn’t know it then I feel it now, I loved them. All of them. Our number is now TWO. Sisters we are, strangers we have become. Once we were whole. My parents held us all together with faith, love, and hard work.

There is no worse feeling than the uncertainty that final goodbyes bring. Will I ever see you again? Will I be Okay without you? Will I ever feel happiness again? Will there ever be a time when I feel like a part of something larger than myself? I used to think I was a misfit but I FIT with my family. A puzzle of sorts where my odd bits jutted out where theirs spooned in. Damn it! I want one more look at you. Sometimes it is so difficult to be in the world where I feel like I am on my own. Is it selfish to want to swim in waters of their love? One more hug, one more smile, one last chance to just sit and enjoy each other for awhile. If it is selfish I don’t care.

I really tried this year not to be sad on Breny’s birthday but I failed. Are you surprised? Don’t be, once a soul is broken it never regains its full glory. I drove to Dunkin’ Donuts and bought myself a pity donut, a French cruller, and a hot cup of coffee. I found myself sitting in the donut shop parking lot talking to her ghost? or maybe it was just that part of my soul that clings to her memory. After my sister died I made a bucket list of things I wanted to do so I could never forget her but who I am kidding? I think about her everyday! I will never forget. Her photos litter my office. I have all the cards she ever sent me, all the letters written in her left handed chicken scratches, every little thing I can hold.

It is harder for me now to remember what she sounded like. Her laugh, her joy, her angry voice, her concerned looks… not many people can say that their sibling is their best friend. She was my everything. https://youtu.be/Pm7vULhD0o0

Are you Watching Me Now?

Love the people in your life. Everyday is a gift don’t forget to open it!

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Some Days Are Stone

My mother loved John Denver. When she was in the midst of a depressive episode and there were many she would hijack my turntable and play this guys music off the walls. Today is her birthday. Like her favorite song today has been diamonds and stones. My hubby just lost a favorite auntie a few days ago to an illness, my Mom’s Birthday is today and the anniversary of her passing is on the 11th. What a way to roll in, JUNE! I want you to know you are loved and missed. Your kid sister wears you next to her heart everyday in the form of a little butterfly mizpah to honor her love for you. I know she misses your stories and your wisdom. The lottery hasn’t been the same since you left, revenue is down = )

zzz

My birthday wish for you; I hope you truly know happiness, that you enjoy the peace, and that you found Dad when he checked in. He missed you SO much. He loved you with his whole being.

P.S. I ate your piece of cake 8 )