The Eye of the Beholder

True beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I was brushing my teeth. My face looking back at my own amazement over the realization that my face looks leaner. Gone are the full cheeks and double chins. I can’t help myself, I break into a full on smile nearly blinding myself with my own pearly whites! A huge NSV! I finally am noticing that all of my hard work is paying off.

There I am right where I left me! I knew I was somewhere close by. This is the version of myself that I feel like on the inside. The beauty matching on both sides. I feel like I  will accomplish anything I put my mind too. It is a wonderful feeling. I forgot how awesome being happy with myself felt. I have felt so beaten by life for so long that I forgot how happy felt. I am no fool, well, I try not to be. I know that happy is a fickle bitch and I should never completely trust that she will stick around but for right now I love her.

I am sitting in my office trying to get this to post and not fall asleep while typing. I am freezing, a side effect from the weight loss, and I have a headache. Holiday season has always been tough for me but I am determined not to eat my way through them this year. I am donating all of the clothes that I am shrinking out of to charity. I could store them in my closet, so I will have something to wear for when I “give up”, but I refuse to undermine my best efforts.  This time I will not give up; this time I will follow through. I will finish the entire course not just the front nine.

Everyday…I try to do better than the day before. I try to learn something new.  I try to remember to be thankful for one small thing.  I try to gently remind myself that I am made of the right stuff, that I deserve to know self acceptance. I talk to myself a lot! Thank God this time around I am actually listening = ) I am beautiful. I am strong. I can do this and I will.

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To Be

 

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