Holiday

I wasn’t sure if I could make it through today. I was not looking forward to this Thanksgiving. I gleaned something about my myself and my Pops. He is in the things that I do. He lives in my heart and soul not in any one thing he ever gave me. That cowboy hat I have in the closet does not hold his essence; I do. He is not in the Army trunk that once housed his khakis. He is in my thoughts while I peel the potatoes for his favorite stuffing. He is in the warmth of the kitchen as things simmer. I can hear his laughter amongst the laughter of my guests enjoying the football game.

NEW TRADITION ALERT! I decided I was not going to make a turkey, so I didn’t. This year for the first time I prepared a spiral ham.  I needed to step away from all of the memories that I associate with this holiday. Many of them are NOT pleasant. I wanted to be free. Many past Thanksgivings have been ruined by my quintessential family:  arguments, flying food, insults, drunken behavior and trips to the ER for stitches. Thanksgiving makes me grumpy and short tempered. I do all of the work. I am the one who allows herself to get frazzled. I am the one who obsesses about everything being “perfect”. No one else cares. They just want to eat, relax and have some fun.

I let go of my old tired tradition and ate, relaxed and had some fun.

 

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One thought on “Holiday

  1. I made Thanksgiving dinner for a friend of mine’s family. She doesn’t cook, has a high functioning retarded brother and her mom got out of a rehab center the day before Thanksgiving after having a mild stroke. I was over there at 7 and cooked up a storm until 1pm. Dinner was on the table. It felt really good doing something for others with no expectations of payment or compensation. And they raved about the food. I am still exhausted, but still riding that high.

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