Choices

I start my routine in the darkness of early morning. I have been following this particular routine for many years. Sometimes under the guise of wisdom I try to change my set patterns for a new bag of tricks,which in all honesty, is the same routine only with more swearing caused from not applying my new found wisdom correctly. What? ; )  Sometimes I am such a dumbass! Do I get points for stubbornness? Having routines helps me to stay on point. The only problem is that sometimes I find myself grumbling over being bored. Routines can be so mundane… I fall out of love with having order where once there was chaos. Silly right? Everybody wants peace but if Peace and I go steady too long I get antsy. That is why I created cheat day. It can only happen once in a while and I can’t waste a cheat on something I could have everyday. You know like going hog wild and ordering croutons with my salad. Really? That’s all you got?

No! What I mean is that I allow myself to do or have something I really want. I won’t give into the dark thoughts that swim in the recesses of my mind. Those thoughts try to undermine my success by throwing guilt at the windows. Screw that! I think I have finally learned that it is ok to have a treat every once in a while as long as I stop and ask myself first, “Is this what you really want? or are you needing something else? like validation? or a hug? or some new pants?” Turns out sometimes I am not really looking for something to eat. I am looking for a nap, or a hug or clothes that fit.This morning while I was trying to decide if I should wear a pair of pants that fit or wear the baggier pants, I realized something. It feels great (wonderful and inspiring) to have more choices. Instead of trying to figure out what I am still able to squeeze myself into I have to figure out what won’t fall down around my ankles. It’s a nice choice to have!

This time around the Sound I have approached my weight loss efforts in a totally different way. I’ve changed my routine. I have not bought ONE frozen prepared entrée. I have made a lunch everyday. I have made better fruit and vegetable choices. I have been more patient with myself. I no longer hide my eating; instead I have expressed my needs and fears to my hubby. I am not obsessing over every ounce that I consume. I am having fun. I bought a Jawbone just so I could see if I can beat my own steps from the previous day. When I make a choice to eat something that is off the “grid” I try to leave a few bites behind. THIS IS HUGE for me. I was raised with the thought that leaving something leftover on your plate was not being thankful for what you were given. Horse pucky! It is my educated choice about the non nutritional value of that double dipped, chocolate swirl, caramel sticky bun surrounded with nuts, gooey heaven on my plate.  I only really want you because I am tired or stressed or any other myriad of excuses. It is okay to just have a taste. I can live without you BUN of DOOM! I’d much rather enjoy my new way of living than hang out with you anyway.

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To Be

 

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