Fear

What are you afraid of?

I have lived with some form of fear, well, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t afraid. I guess you could say fear has always been on my side. I was afraid of the dark as a child. I was afraid of my mothers’ rage. I was afraid to try new things or to look stupid in front of others. I am afraid of chickens and dolls with faces. I am afraid of losing myself to obesity. I am afraid that some day I will get dementia like my Pops. I am afraid of being homeless, jobless, abandoned.

The problem with fear is that it can be so powerful that you get frozen by it. It is difficult to free myself.  Fear has a way of making you small. I forget sometimes that I am in control of how my day goes. I have the power to turn a bad day around. I am a force to be reckoned with  when I stand up for myself. Being fearful makes you weary in a way that is hard to explain to a person who doesn’t understand what it is like to carry this burden.

Fear …I hate you. I hate how you fill me with self doubt.

 

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