Taking A Chance

This post is about taking chances just in case you didn’t get that from the title. = ) I am not a big chance taker, not brave enough. Too many bad left turns in my youth or could be it’s just a solid lack of faith in myself. Still once in awhile something goes on in the nooks and crannies of my mind and I feel inspired.  It might also mean Spring is coming and like a dormant flower I feel ready to stretch my leaves and give my blooms a shake. Whatever the reason I am feeling spry. I am going to give this WWs bullshit one more swing of the stick. Tomorrow is my 7th anniversary.  I have not made it to goal NIRVANA. I want to get there.

Life keeps getting in my way and in my head. Being a WW member has changed how I look at myself, at food, at the people I surround myself with and not always for the better. I feel that if I am to make it to my Promised Land I need to take responsibility for my actions. All of them. My struggle with food is not about the food. My struggle is really about how I am feeling at any given moment about who I am versus who I think I should be. My struggle is self- ACCEPTANCE.  I know this to the depths of my soul. I want to leave it all behind me but time and time again I am drawn back into the circle of devastation. I eat because I am angry. I am angry because I eat. Self-perpetuating circle of shame.

The worse thing anyone can ever to do another person is to teach them they have no value. Strip away a persons belief in self and watch as their lives spiral out of control. I have been spinning for a long time. Food is my drug of choice. I hate that I can not eat unless there is an emotion attached to it. In fact I never eat because I am hungry. I eat through disappointment, I eat to hide embarrassment, I eat in social situations to cover my anxiety. I eat to control my anger. Every time my anger gets the upper hand I lose control over how I eat, why I eat, when I eat.

Enough already. Nobody digs a Sally Downer. This time I take a chance on me

…could be , who knows?

there’s something due any day I will know right away soon as it shows…

I got a feeling there’s a miracle due gonna come true coming to me…

 

 

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